2. Getting a new book!

3. Teaching my little brother how to chop an onion and make pasta salad for Mom’s Mother’s Day dinner.

4. M&M cookie ice cream sundaes.

5. Watching Daddy mow the lawn.

6. Hanging out with the best kid ever. You know, the one that used to be a little tiny baby:

Happy Mudders Day!

My favorite thing about her wearing these shoes is that they are more than double the length of her feet! Yet she walks in them better than some women I’ve seen.

Carrying around her bounty (crayons, actually) from Sephora.

If nothing else she’s learning how to scowl like me. At least I’ve given her that. It will no doubt come in handy one day when she has a husband of her own.

It amazes the shit out of me that she’s turning into such a…person. She’s no longer a baby, and barely a toddler. She speaks English and Spanish. She brushes her teeth. She goes potty and wears big girl underwear. But sometimes she still snuggles while we read books and she’s suddenly quite dependent on her blankie. So there are a few reminders that she’s still my baby.

I’m glad she’s a happy kid.

*****

When people say, “I’m mostly vegetarian,” I want to laugh…but I don’t want them to think I’m a snooty vegan. But come on, you’re mostly vegetarian?? Like except for when you eat chicken and beef?

*****

I like it when we run out of toilet paper and my mom picks some up while she’s at Walmart with Nora. She always buys the 20 pack of Charmin and not the one-ply bargain bin rolls that we usually get.

*****

One does not, “go off the diet for a special ocassion,” when the diet in question is veganism. It’s not about it being a diet…it’s about not eating animal flesh. I’m not gonna “make an exception” and eat chicken for dinner.

*****

Feeding my daughter a vegetarian diet does not qualify as “improper feeding habits”…no matter what the government of the state of Ohio says. You’d be hard-pressed to find a kid that eats as well as she does.

*****

Why do kids’ vitamins have fish in them? When reading the ingredients list looking for gelatin (note: I could not find one single vitamin that did not contain gelatin), I was shocked (and slightly disgusted) to find that a lot of them contained fish. Specifically tuna. What place does tuna have in a fruity flavored kids’ vitamin? Blech.

*****

I’m glad that cleaning out that cabinet has brought her so much joy…

The next day we went sledding with my parents. Dad was the head spectator along with being the sled loader-upper…and the pushing to get us started down the hill guy. Mom went with us a few times. I stuck it out for one extra trip down the hill with Nora. Climbing back up, as everyone knows, was a bitch. For me and Mom. Nora rode on the sled on the way up and on the way down. A good time was had by all. The official number of times we went down the hill was three. Future sledding excursions will include bringing Uncle Kyle and a few of his teenage friends to pull Nora back up the hill. Plus they could be in charge of the oxygen tanks for the rest of us old MoFos. I have no photographic evidence because (like a horrible camera owner), I forgot to charge the battery. Trust me when I say it was fun.

and his friend Ketchup

Nora named them. She loves to watch them eat their hay and feed them wood chew sticks. We are hoping that making her feed them and help take care of them will teach her some responsibility. So far she thinks it’s the coolest thing. I hope she feels the same way five years from now when she’s still having to feed and take care of them everyday. They’re good little pets although they sure can squeal. At everything. Like the folding up of a grocery bag. Or the swish swish of my nylon exercise pants. Or the moving of a bread wrapper. Pretty much anything that sounds like a food bag. Or a bag that may potentially contain food. Even if they just ate.

Today you are two years old.

You’re a child now. No longer a baby.

What a difference a year makes:

1 year

2 years

I love you big girl!

Love,

Mommy

Confidential to the Arsehole at the Bank: They are collecting gifts for children and adults that live in our community who are “less fortunate” as the sign said. The suggestions listed at the bottom were intended to give people an idea of what was needed. Your scoffing (and loudly snorting) at the idea that they need hair conditioner was completely out of line. To exclaim, “What do they need conditioner for?!” as if it’s a luxury that you weren’t interested in funding, just made you look like a callous jerk.

Confidential to the lady at Bob Evans: Saying that you can “barely afford to buy gifts for [your] own brats let alone someone else’s”, upon seeing the giving tree was totally not cool. Maybe your kids wouldn’t be brats if you spent less time bitching at them and more time teaching them how to behave. Also, how much did that lunch set you back? I’m guessing at least $20. Which means I’m guessing you could have bought something for someone who is less fortunate than you are. Or at the very least you could have kept your mouth shut about it.

Confidential to the lady at Walgreens: Huffing and puffing that I was cutting in line in front of you was a little over the top, don’t you think? I mean, I would have known you were in line if you were…well…in line. Instead you were casually browsing the last minute gifts and standing about 15 feet away from the last person in line. When I realized you were ahead of me, I let you go first. You were buying a dozen eggs and some pantyliners. Perhaps your period was to blame. Merry freaking Christmas.

Confidential to every single customer that waited until the day before Christmas Eve to get your tires replaced and then got pissed off that the wait was over an hour: CHRISTMAS IS THE SAME TIME EVERY YEAR. PLAN AHEAD. COME IN EARLIER IN THE MONTH. Or, hey, get crazy and get your tires replaced in November. At any rate, don’t wait until the freaking last minute and bitch at me because the wait is too long. You procrastinated. Not me.

Confidential to my neighbors: Whichever of you called the owners of our delightful little trailer park to complain that our garbage can is not “taken in in a timely manner”: SCREW YOU. Who are you people? You would waste a long distance call (four states away) to complain that the garbage can is at the curb the day after garbage pickup?! How sad that you have nothing better to do. The thought never occurred to me to call and complain when your dogs bark before daylight…but perhaps I better get them on speed dial. I’m glad I didn’t take any of you bastards any Christmas cookies. That would’ve pissed me off.

On to more important things…like the presents I got! I ended up making out like quite the bandit myself. I got a Nikon D40 from the huz. It takes awesomely awesome pictures and I haven’t yet even figured out much past the point and click starter sheet instructions. The book that came with it is about the size of a college textbook! My parents gave me an assortment of coolness. I got a new sewing machine (that for the love of God does buttonholes), a high heel shoe calendar, some ramekins (and inside joke between me and my mom…everyone else in the room looked completely confused), a pair of jeans (that I had pre-tried on during a previous shopping excursion with my mom), and other greatness. Luckily we got cash from both of our grandparents because our microwave has been not working…so I am appliance shopping tonight…and couldn’t be happier!

By far the best gift I received yesterday (no offense to anyone who bought me anything) was actually the joy I brought to my Grandfather with the gift I gave to him. You see my Grandpa is impossible to buy for. He has what he wants and needs and if he doesn’t, he can just go get it. This year I gave him something that touched him so much it brought tears to his eyes (and consequently everyone else’s in the room). Sharing the moment that we did later that night was the best gift of all. I can’t tell you the last time we said we love each other. That was the most special present I received.