Piggysnoot

The days after Larry was arrested were horrible. I was confused, hurt, and worried. By day two of being in jail he had admitted to me that he had been using drugs again. I felt stupid that I hadn’t figured out that that was what was going on. I should’ve noticed, right? I knew he had problems with drugs…how could I have missed the signs? Did I “know” but not want to face that this could be happening? I was also angry…angry that he had lied to me…angry that we were going to have to sell the house where I had just done a nursery for Nora…angry that there would be things coming up that I’d have to go through alone because he was in jail with a $3000 bond required to get him out. The first day after his arrest I went back to work…back to where we both worked…the business my grandparents owned…the business where Larry was when he was arrested…back to face everyone we worked with. For a moment I thought, “I’m sure they’ll be talking behind my back about what happened…speculating about what was going on…” What got me through that day and many days to come was reminding myself that I had the best husband on the planet…when he wasn’t using drugs. There was a front page news article and a search warrant executed on our house and car. This hoopla was going on while I was trying to pack up our home…move back in with my parents…go to work and go visit Larry. Without help from both of our families I don’t know how I could have got everything done. I was especially touched by the outpouring of help from his family. Here he was in jail and I was six months pregnant…his siblings and parents called to check on me several times. They also all came over to help me pack up our house…they packed…they loaded boxes…they moved our things to storage. I told my mom that I couldn’t believe how much they were helping…that they were his family and here they were helping me…I wasn’t their problem. This really made me feel like I was their family, too.

I could tell the difference in Larry’s demeanor by the second day of jail. His eyes were clearer. He started looking healthy again…despite the terrible jail food. He was the old Larry again…the one I met and fell in love with only four years before. I think he spent more time in jail worrying about me than anything else. He’d ask my mom how I was “really” doing when he called. He asked me several times a day when we talked if I was going to leave him. Was I sure I’d stick around? What if it meant a five year sentence? I told him he didn’t have to keep asking because I wasn’t going anywhere…I think he liked the reassurance that came from hearing it. Leaving was never an option…despite people asking me…and I’m sure people thought that I should leave him. A good friend of mine put it best when she said, “People have to understand that this isn’t a casual high school boyfriend…that this is your husband…that you two are having a child…” Our wedding vows didn’t say “til death or a relapse do you part“.

With very generous help from my Grandfather I was able to retain a lawyer for Larry and on the eighth day that he was in jail, I bailed him out. He was anxious to start getting treatment once the initial detox was complete and that’s impossible while in jail, so getting him out gave him a chance to start getting help. At first I wasn’t too keen on the idea of bailing him out. While he was in jail he didn’t have access to drugs. It gave me peace of mind to know that he couldn’t hurt himself anymore. Strange as it sounds, the days he was in jail I felt such relief. I was relieved that I knew what had been going on…relieved that he could start getting help.

He started an outpatient drug rehab program along with going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Even though alcohol isn’t his drug of choice the meetings are very helpful…drugs and alcohol both effect the body the same way so it’s easy enough to substitute “drugs” whenever someone says “drink” at the meetings…the method of staying sober applies the same to drugs as it does to alcohol. He has been going to meetings and therapy regularly. The steps to recovery that he’s following are helping daily to keep him clean.

Every day that we’ve had since he’s been out of jail has been worth every borrowed penny to get him out and get him help. He was able to see Nora’s birth. He has been able to get to know her and help out with her. He has been able to be there for both of us. These are things he would not have been able to do had he not been arrested. It took something that major for him to seek help. He didn’t feel like he could ask for help. He didn’t feel like he could tell me. He thought that he had messed up his one chance to be clean and that he wouldn’t get another shot. Addiction is a powerful thing that takes over the life and mind of the addict. Logic does not apply. While it may be easy for a non-addict to say, “he had a baby on the way, why didn’t he stop using?“, that’s just not how addiction works. Having a house…having a job…having a wife…having a baby on the way…none of that makes an addict stop using. It takes willingness to work a recovery program…help from a Higher Power…and daily hard work including meditation and prayer.

Larry entered a plea to the judge last week. It is a plea to lesser charges than what he was originally arrested on. It is a plea that carries a maximum sentence of eighteen months in prison. It is a plea that also does not carry a requirement of prison time at all. He is at the judge’s mercy…he could receive probation…he could receive drug court…he could receive a community based corrections facility that focuses on recovery…he could receive time in the county jail…or he could receive prison time up to eighteen months. I’m thankful that prison time is all that’s going to happen because while losing him for up to eighteen months is a scary prospect…losing him to his drug addiction would have been permanent…