Monthly Archive for February, 2006

Oh, Canada!

Published
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Courtney
on February 27, 2006
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I’m rolling out the official welcome wagon to my Canadian visitors! I’ve noticed a spike in website traffic hailing from up North…I’m not sure where you all came from…but I’m glad you found me! I add new stories almost everyday, and I don’t charge per visit, so please, check back often! Feel free to leave comments if you like (seriously, how did you find me?). I read and answer every single one…sometimes twice…well the reading part…I probably won’t answer you twice…you know what I mean.

We’re still working on getting the ‘about’ and ‘contact’ pages done…hang in there everybody! Larry had the flu for a week and a half, so minimal (read: no) work was done last week on the behind the scenes stuff.

I have some new card samples that I’ll be uploading in the next few days, so be on the look out for those.

One last thing…I got a yellow sticker deal at the grocery store today…when I wasn’t even looking for one! I was there for getting some things for work, when I rounded the corner and found a bin of bottled water…the 16oz. size…for 10 cents a bottle! A weight watchin’ girl’s dream come true…bottled water on the cheap! Okay, so a Weight Watcher’s dream is probably no points chocolate fudge cake or something similar…but I’ll take ten cent water. Besides, if I drink water with my chocolate fudge cake it balances everything out…riiiiiight?!

Fresh Catch

Published
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Courtney
on February 25, 2006
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Those of you that don’t know me…I live in Northern Ohio…there are few fish that can be eaten that are truly a “fresh catch”…and they’re fish you wouldn’t necessarily want to eat…now for the story…Larry and I went to Outback for dinner last night. We had some remaining dollars on a gift card we got for Christmas, so dinner was only $15 with the tip. Not bad! As we were seated the host instructed us that the menus were at the back of the table, blah blah blah. The exchange went like this:

Host: Your menus are at the back of the table and our fresh catch fish of the day is Mahi Mahi.

Larry: Where’d you catch that? (Quite sarcastically and extra skeptically)

Host: (Smirking) Can’t tell…it’s a secret.

Larry: Okay ’cause I didn’t think you were out catchin’ Mahi in the lake.

The host walked away chuckling to himself. This was funny to me for a few different reasons. First of all, I was impressed that the host thought that quickly on his feet. The way Larry skeptically asked him where exactly he had caught this “fresh catch of the day” was hilarious! He later told me that all he could think of was the host out in a fishing boat in a yellow rain slicker like the Gorton’s Fisherman catching Mahi on Lake Erie…a silly picture indeed. The other reason this struck us as being funny is that my Aunt Carole (who lives in San Francisco) always jokes that she can’t believe anyone would eat sushi in Ohio because there’s no way it’s fresh enough because the ocean is too far away. We thought perhaps she’d appreciate that the host was trying to sell us the “fresh catch of the day” of Mahi Mahi…when we know full well that there was no one from Outback out catching Mahi Mahi fresh that morning on Lake Erie. Maybe they should call it the “fresh catch quite a few weeks ago and then frozen until we decided to offer it today as the fresh catch of the day”. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it I guess.

Confidential to Cell Lady

Published
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Courtney
on February 24, 2006
in Confidential
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Note to the woman who had the nerve to give me the evil eye at dinner: You were the one being RUDE, not me. Receiving a cell phone call in a restaurant is pretty obnoxious…and rude to the others at your table…let alone the rest of the restaurant. After the second call I was a little less forgiving and became substantially more annoyed. I even rolled my eyes behind your back and commented to Larry about the hightened level of your rudeness. I gotta tell ya though…call number three was my breaking point. Now after the first call I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, thinking that perhaps you had a babysitter at home with your kids and needed to be accessible. Or maybe you’re an undercover FBI agent that was waiting on a case solving cell phone call…although I’d guess not. I also ruled out the fact that you were a movie star waiting on a call about an audition (fat chance), a sports agent to an NFL player (didn’t think so), an on call doctor (most likely not), a fireman (don’t see that one happening), an EMS worker (nah), a Secret Service Agent (something tells me that’s a no), or the President of Liechtenstein (methinks that’s not the case). If any of those scenarios were the case, at least I would have understood the reason for you to be carrying a cell phone, with the ringer turned up (to the volume level of ‘bleeding ear’), inside of a restaurant. So after call number three I felt the urge to speak up. Maybe my choice of “GEEZ”, which in fairness was said rather loudly…and snottily…wasn’t the way to go. Come on though…three calls? In less than ten minutes? I couldn’t help myself…and I did feel surprisingly better. Until…you gave me the evil eye. Not only did you give me the evil eye…but you took the effort to turn around in your chair so you could see the person you were delivering the eye to. I must say, though, you didn’t accomplish what you set out to do because I found it to be hilarious! It’s been a long time since I’ve received the evil eye…possibly since high school…made my day. What didn’t make my day? Having the first restaurant dinner, in a long time, with my husband interrupted three times by your damn cell phone. You’re not that important. Trust me.

My Olympics Part 2

Published
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Courtney
on February 23, 2006
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Here you have part two of “Courtney’s Plan to Make the Olympics More Dangerous” and by proxy, more interesting. If you missed part one, you’ll want to read that first for a more in depth explanation as to what sparked these fabulous ideas.

Groin Shot Curling. I thought curling could use a little excitement, so here you have it. The event will be carried out the same way it is now, with the exception of one additional rule. Well, I’m not sure if it’s an additional rule or an additional allowance. Each team member is allowed one groin kick, deliverable to a member of the opposing team. There is no warning necessary, in fact, I’d advise the sneak attack. Athletes will be disqualified for wearing a cup.

Polar Bear Speed Skating. This event will include a hungry polar bear. Said polar bear will not be fed 2 weeks prior to the event. Speed skaters will compete as normal except that on lap 2 the hungry polar bear will be released. Skaters will be permitted one speed skate clown who will function as a rodeo clown…his job will be to distract the polar bear. I imagine that job will not be highly sought after. The beauty of this event is that one can “win” just by outskating their slowest competitor…they don’t have to be the fastest, they just have to be faster than one other person. Points will be deducted for going out of the assigned lane…and no points will be awarded if the Olympian is eaten. Extra points will be awarded for finishing the race after the polar bear chomps off an athletes arm.

Eye-Poke Ice Skating. This event will put the figure skating couples at each other’s…eyeballs. Each pair will be permitted to have one member enter the rink during the performance of the couple that skates after them. That team member will be allowed to deliver one eye-poke to a member of the couple that is currently skating. The eye-poker will not be permitted to wear skates, they will be sock footed, and they will be given a time limit of 45 seconds to deliver their eye-poke. The possible eye-pokees will be awarded points for evading the eye-poke and continuing with their program. The eye-pokers can earn extra points for…successfully poking their opponent in the eye. Extra extra points will be awarded to the eye-pokers, for strategically poking, if they poke the male in the eye during a lift.

Shot Put Snowboarding. Half pipe snowboarding just got trickier. The members of the Summer Olympics track and field team will be included in this event. The snowboarders will perform their event as normal, while the track and field Olympians throw the shot put at them. Snowboarders will be given a bag with 8 grapefruit in them that they can throw at the shot putters to throw them off balance. Points will be deducted for not completing the event due to a shot put injury. Extra points will be awarded for hitting a shot put thrower with a grapefruit…two points per hit.

And there you have it. If the Olympics Committee would take these suggestions into consideration they would have a greater chance at beating American Idol. Please note: The ideas for improving the Olympics that are shared on this website are the intellectual property of the blog owner, Courtney, and they are available for sale to the Olympics Committee at a price that can be negotiated according to my mood on any given day.

My Winter Olympics

Published
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Courtney
on February 22, 2006
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So the Winter Olympics was trounced by American Idol in ratings last week. Want to know why? Because they show a six hour block of Olympics that covers 8-10 different events. Who the heck wants to watch five hours of skiing when what they really want to watch is the one hour of ice skating? I enjoy several of the Winter Olympic sports, but there are a few that I don’t like…and I’d rather not have to watch the entire six hours of coverage…who has that kind of time anyhow? I’ve taken to DVRing the coverage and then fast forwarding to the parts I want to watch.

While watching the Luge I noticed that there is a point on the track where there is a V shape…where there are two entry points to the bottom part of the track. I later found out that this is because they use the same lower track for the Luge and Skeleton. That got me thinkin’…I started to forumlate a plan to make the luge more exciting. I decided that it’d be more fun if they let two Lugers start at the same time from the top and let them work it out amongst themselves when they get to the V. Whomever is there first gets to be first down the bottom half of the track. Now I know this increases the opportunity for injury…but like I said…it’d be more interesting. Then as an extra bit of fun, I think all of the sports that use the track (Bobsled, Luge, Skeleton) should be stopped using parachutes like in drag racing. Think of all the possibilities this opens up for sponsors. Companies can buy the rights to have their logo on the Bobsledders’ parachutes. One company that would for sure be interested? McNeil Consumer Healthcare. Who are they? The folks that distribute Imodium A-D. They’re all about making people stop going.

The other event that I think is a tad bit strange? The biathlon. This is the event that offers the joining of two sports…cross country skiing and rifle shooting. Now let’s think about that for a minute. You ski…then you shoot…strange and possibly a bit dangerous. I don’t know that I’d trust someone to shoot after having just skiied…out of breath…huffing and puffing…a tad unsettling. So again, that got me thinkin’ and I’ve altered a few other Olympic events with the goal of making the Olympics more dangerous…and by proxy…more interesting. I call it “Courtney’s Plan to Make the Olympics More Dangerous” which will then of course make them more interesting. I present them here for you:

Machete Ice Dancing. The athletes will be required to do their entire routines with a machete in their hand. One per person. There will be no handing off of the machete to the other partner. There will be extra points awarded if the machetes are twirled like a baton. Points will be deducted for slashing your partner’s head open.

Scissor Skiing. This will be the union of cross country skiing and scissors. You know how mom always said not to run with scissors? She never mentioned skiing. The athletes will complete the cross country skiing route with a pair of scissors in each hand instead of ski poles. Points will be deducted for wearing goggles.

Landmine Slalom. The slalom hill will be peppered with landmines for this event. They will be random and different from one contestant to the next. The participants will probably want to carry a backpack with tourniquets and bandages…bloodloss affects people quickly. Extra points will be awarded for finishing the race after hitting a landmine. Points will be deducted for Olympians that compete with prosthetic limbs…landmines just don’t have the same effect if there are false legs involved.

The 12 Gauge Skeleton. Ah the skeleton…racing down the luge track. In My Olympics this event will require the athlete to carry a 12 gauge shotgun down the track, and shoot targets along the way. The trick? The targets will be interspersed among the spectators. Quick thinking and reflexes will be a must for this event. Points will be deducted for shooting a spectator…obviously.

These are my first four ideas to improve the ratings of the Olympics. I know I’d watch more often if there was a chance there would be blood involved. We as a society love blood and guts, so let’s update the Olympic sports to include that…it worked for CSI and all those other death ridden TV shows. Tune in tomorrow when I’ll improve Speed Skating, Curling, Snowboarding, and pairs Ice Skating!

Wanna Take A Bath?

Published
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Courtney
on February 20, 2006
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Yesterday morning I was rustled from my slumber at 7:30 am (on a Sunday, no less) to the sound of Larry throwing up. Lovely. He came in the bedroom after he was finished and proclaimed that he felt much better and was going to take a shower…and I should go back to sleep. He left the door to the bathroom open, I’m assuming so the dog wouldn’t whine in the hallway and keep me awake.

Next thing I hear is the door to the shower sliding open, and:

“You wanna take a bath, Pixel?”

“Well come on in.”

“Come on. Jump right in.”

I can tell the moment he brings her in the shower because she starts to protest. He quickly closed the door and sealed her fate…she was gettin’ a bath, like it or not.

At this point I could no longer sleep. I was wondering if he even had her puppy shampoo in the shower or not. Then I got to thinking that I better make sure because people shampoo isn’t good for puppies. So I snuck into the bathroom and found the funniest scene ever.

Imagine this: You enter the bathroom to find your husband all soaped and shampooed up because he’s taking a shower. You see him crouched down on his knees, washing the puppy…who is also all shampooed up. She’s trying to escape by climbing the wall of the shower. It was priceless! My mom said, “Too bad you didn’t take the camera in,” because we have a clear glass shower door…woulda make a great scrapbooking moment, huh?!

Final note: He did have her puppy shampoo, and I suspect she’ll never again be curious as to what exactly is going on in the shower!

Race Day Cookies

Published
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Courtney
on February 19, 2006
in Musings
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The day I’ve been waiting for since last November is finally here…Daytona 500 day. I’ve scheduled everything for the day around this event. Mom and I are going to the mall…with the understanding that we leave there by noon so I don’t miss anything important. I have my race day gear all set out…Jeff Gordon lounge pants, Jeff Gordon shirt, and checkered flag socks. Sounds dorky, I know…but I don’t care. I’ve even planned our food around the race. For lunch (which will be done pre-race so we don’t miss anything) we’re having tail-gate burgers and curly fries. I’m grillin’ the burgers and I thought (even though it’s a stretch) the curly fries would represent the springs/shocks of the cars. I also spent last night and this morning making Daytona 500 cut out cookies. I just used a sugar cookie mix, rolled them out, used a glass and a spice jar lid to make the tire shape, and frosted them.

daytona.jpg

daytona2.jpg

There were quite a few fiascos involved in making these masterpieces. First I had to go to our local craft store to get a cookie cutter and black food coloring. This isn’t a fiasco in and of itself…but the guy that works there belched in my face once, and he follows you around in the store like you’re going to steal something…so I dread going there…but when they have what you need, well, what are you gonna do? I leave said store with my food coloring and a doughnut cutter. I figured the doughnut cutter would be perfect because it’d do all the work at once…cut out the tire and the inside. Fast forward a few days to when Larry is cleaning the kitchen. He throws away the bag with my goods…it’s the day before trash day…so by the time we realized what happened it had already gone out in the trash. Side note: I did search through the 2 trash bags that were out there just in case it was post-trash-day. Of course I didn’t know that the stuff was gone until it was 7pm Friday night and I had mixed up the dough, and the craft store was closed.

In comes Mom to save the day. She suggested I use a glass and cut the inside of the tires out with the lid from one of my spice jars. Merrily I went to do the cookies. I used the mix like I said, so it only made 2 dozen cookies…which is good because by the time you roll and cut out 2 dozen tire cookies, you’ve had enough. Plus there won’t be 6 dozen cookies sitting around my house just begging to be eaten. I make plans to frost the cookies Saturday night after our Stampin’ Up! workshop. No problem.

Also in the mean time, my aunt is discharged from the hospital (on Thursday actually) where she had been since Monday. I figured that she wouldn’t want to be cooking, having just returned home, so I made a lasagna and some chocolate chip cookies for their family. Do you see where this is going? Saturday morning we took over their lasagna and plate of foil covered cookies. Now do you see where this is going? I didn’t check the plate. I GAVE THEM OUR DAYTONA 500 COOKIES…only I didn’t realize it until last night at 8pm when I mixed up the frosting, uncovered our foil covered plate of cookies to discover, much to my horror, chocolate chip cookies. I quickly called to see if there was any way I could exchange our plate for theirs. They had eaten all but 2 or 3 of the unfrosted Daytona cookies. What luck I have, huh?

We headed out to the store (only because Larry insisted…I was ready to throw in the towel) to get more cookie mix. So at 8:30 at night I started making more tire cut out cookies. They were frosted black at 9:30pm. I did the writing this morning (around 8am), and all is well. As much work and effort went into them…and as much as it seemed the powers that be were against me making them…they better be some damn good cookies!